W H A T T H E F U C K
You can /sethome
that, my good sir, is 99 percent
Oh my god this is ridiculous
this is actually from know your meme
Hate to be that guy, but this is a thread for things that happen in your life, not something cute you found online.
That’s what happens when you can only comprehend 2% of the English fucking language
Dassa bit far…
The feels generator <— (NO is not the generator is chill music)
The Torush Diaries
The title says it all, but to contextualise, I bought a 2019 diary somewhere around August 2018. This series will unveil a lot about my life. The main idea of buying the diary is/was to deal with my emotions as they either build up or deteriorate. Conversations about each entry are much appreciated. Hope you enjoy!
I have altered the names of the characters to keep an ounce of privacy. If you know me beyond the pseudonym, you could probably if not definitely fill in the characters yourself.
February Pt. 2: Life Held Back
. Dear diary,
. No, nothing bad has happened… between me and Erin at least. I, honestly haven’t been bothered to write another entry until today and frankly, haven’t found the time. I’ll be catching up by significant days from the last entry.
. Monday. Actually… I don’t think anything significant happened on Monday as far as I can recall…
. Tuesday. Someone passed out mid-lesson. The fact that that’s the only significant thing that happened on that day is… weird…
. Wednesday. I usually never look forward to Wednesdays, and you know why by now. Erin had to go to academic coaching. That’s not a bad thing. Her OP improved. Just like that, I got a high-five!
. Later that lesson, I asked what QCS score she got. She didn’t want to answer, telling me she did pretty bad. Turns out we got the same grade-ish score thing. Just like that, I got a high-five!
. I should also mention that we had a really cool substitute; A teacher I’ve had before and developed a very unprofessional relationship with. I refer to him as OP3 - his OP from high school. He refers to me as HA10 (A very high B-grade, just below an A), a grade I notoriously receive once a term for a subject. So that was pretty cool.
. What a great Wednesday, right? Against all expectations, things were going great. That evening was another story.
. My dad, for whatever reason, got SUPER angry at me for wearing trousers. Straight up in a stern voice told me “we need to talk.” He asked me if I had anything to tell him. I’m sitting down on a chair in the living room wondering what he’s on about. Something else happened after that, but he told me to change into shorts… Yelled at me to…
. I come out and my mum wants a go. “Do you get bullied?” she asks me. I understand now what my dad was trying to get at. So I responded:
. “I don’t care what oth-”
. “It’s not about if you care; Do you?!” she yells. My dad ranted on about my response for a bit. Before I knew it, he [yelled and] called me an idiot. I, in that moment, realize two things. The first is that the only place where I actually get bullied is home. The second thing is that I love Erin so much partially because I’m never treated like shit by her. I wanted to cry in that moment. I wanted Erin in my arms so badly. Once my parents were done ridiculing me, I went to bed. There I lay, there I cry. Reminiscing back to the great times I had with Erin. Yelling in the abyss of my thoughts about how bad my life was. Just like that, Wednesdays were back to normal.
. Thursday. I switched to ACI class! I had to change while the class was inside, so when I arrived, I was applauded. It felt good - that level of appreciation. Still thinking back to the day before… Erin was there, I didn’t look at her as to not be suspicious throughout class.
. Friday. Oh wait. Still Thursday. Wait, no… I’m tired. I shall continue this tomorrow!
. Goodness, my hand writing’s crap today… anyways,
. Dear diary,
. I have forgotten most of if not all of last week. Sorry. But I am here now. It’s the last day of summer! I think two or three weeks back, I told Dane about my feelings for Erin, and he’s been on my back ever since. I told him to stop on Monday this week, and he started telling me off, saying “Why did you tell me in the first place?” He’s right. I regret ever telling him anything.
. On the same Monday, I found out Erin’s a winter person; Same as me. Just yesterday, Dane has been annoying me ALL CLASS. Richard had his entire timetable changed for whatever reason, but I’m starting to think he’s been suspended if not expelled. So guess who’s taking the full brunt of Dane now… le sigh.
. But some good did come out of that day… I think. Erin was watching one of my videos in class. Dunno why, but it makes me really happy. I love her…
. From 2017, I recall her telling me good luck as I went up to do a presentation. Weird detail out of nowhere, but still nice to reminisce back to.
. I’ll try to tell her how I feel tomorrow. It’s been long enough, right?
. March, here we come!
. Dear diary,
. This has been a bad start to the month… And on a Friday of all days. I’ve realised how much of a bad position I’m in today. Don’t get me wrong, I love sitting next to Erin in class, but it’s who else I sit next to. Dane frustrates me. People who are so closed minded frustrate me. It’s hard to be kind to Dane, and the pressure is on when I sit next to Erin. It’s REALLY difficult. In a strange way, I miss Richard…
. I was planning on once again, telling Erin how I feel. I didn’t chicken out this time; I was dead-set on telling her. Nothing was gonna stop me from telling her… except for her. She decided to walk the other way [after class] today. I walked alone.
. It felt like I was rejected before I even asked. It felt like something pulled us apart. It felt like we were star-crossed… It feels like it’s too late.
. I guess it’s just not my day today…
. See you next time, I guess…
Will Torush get the chance to tell Erin how he feels?
Is it too late or is he just in time?
Will he deal with his parent and Dane? Keep reading…
Find out next month on The Torush Diaries.
I think it’s best if you just tell Erin, her walking a different way is such a minor step back, don’t sweat the small stuff.
Yes, I know it is very difficult to do that, especially when its someone your really like, but it’s the best you can do.
Word of advice: don’t make strict plans. You’ll be so dead set on them that you’ll end up tearing yourself apart. Make plans, but be very flexible.
Yeah, I admittedly do that a lot. I imagine up scenarios which usually never play out which inevitably leaves me in a state of disappointment… or dissatisfaction… I dunno. I get sad whenever these things don’t happen I guess is what I’m tryna say.
I definitely plan on telling her ASAP. It’s been on my mind the majority of the time. Sometimes in classes I stare blankly at a desk, window or wall and think about it…
A lot of my friends know my feelings for Erin. The only problem with telling her how I feel is that I’m aware her lifestyle is beyond mine. I live in quite a poor suburb whereas she lives a life that I dream of living one day. I think it was the January entries where I mentioned that a friend of mine said she’s in a league beyond mine… Very true and not very encouraging. I still ought to try though.
Whenever I hear a friend of mine likes another person, I tell them to just tell them how they feel… but being in that situation myself, it’s a lot more difficult than just trying. I believe, however, that after 2 years of being friends with her, I am finally ready to step out of my comfort zone, no matter where it gets me.
TL;DR: Thanks for the advice haha
I do the exact same thing, these past 2-3 months have been teaching me to calm that part of me down. It’s been teaching me a lot of things about myself.
Its good to temper the scenario side of you down before it starts to really effect whats real, like it did with me.
I think if people love each other and want each other enough, they can make their different lives work out somehow. And I don’t think class matters too much, I’ve liked and dated girls who were beyond me and it worked out mostly ok.
It comes down to how you two interact and connect more than anything else, I believe.
While I’m here, I guess I’ll drop an update on myself.
This day was rather eventful.
Me and Olivia actually sat down and talked.
Ever since we “Broke up” there has been a strong air of silence on the subject, a silence that eats me up inside.
We just let each other know how things are any why they are. I’m still very unhappy with the outcome of everything, but a part in me does know it was probably for the best. I wish I could’ve said more to her, but I always could, nothing would change.
Olivia didn’t end up going to the party, I was really sad about that, but I had a blast none the less. A bunch of friends were there and it was just a fun place to be.
In recent times I’ve boiled how I feel down the best I can; I’m horrified of being alone. I haven’t been single in years, mix this with social chastisement and my fuck ups with Olivia, I’ve never been so alone. I’m trying what I can, but I feel split and ultimately hollow.
I’ve been trying to talk to girls more and try to redeem myself the best I can. In this moment, I’m ultimately split between moving on and sticking to Olivia.
At this party I attempted to talk to a friend of mine we’ll name Karly.
I’ve known Karly for about 7 months, we’ve never really been close, but she likes having my company and dumping her issues on me. I find her incredibly attractive and I’ve wanted to get to know her more.
Before my time, Karly was dating a guy for several years, in which the guy ended up dumping her for the town (Slut) wench. She never really moved on from him all this time later, and most people have pushed away from her because of it.
I’ve always felt bad for her, no one gives her a legitimate chance. She’s always pushed to the side. I tried giving her a chance.
And to keep it brief, we did have fun interactions and she was enjoyable to be around, but ultimately I couldn’t see myself with her. I could see myself being sweet, kissing her cheeks, or hugging her, but I couldn’t see myself being with her.
If any of that makes sense.
In the end, she left alone with a simple goodbye. It kinda sucked but… what can you do?
Still a fun party.
Nothing much happened. I woke up kinda depressed about Olivia, and I ended up being late and just skipping school. I was very unhappy waking up. I had a dream about her, but I don’t remember it.
I spent most of the day learning FL studio, trying to produce some music for my upcoming game. When I say “Learning” I mostly mean struggling to do basic things. I have a lacking sense of music, I know how to use/apply it in things such as film, but when it comes to making it, I’m useless.
I did end up finishing up 1 track, I’m pretty proud of it, even if its simple. I’ll post the track later.
(If anyone here knows how to use FL studio, please help ; ; )
Not much happened. Me and Olivia didn’t really talk.
For the first time since we met, I haven’t been so disinterested in talking to her. I didn’t have anything to say, and I have the reputation for talking way too much.
It scared me, we would drift apart, I wouldn’t see her again, and it’ll just stop.
Due to past relationships, I have grown an intense fear of silence. I described it to Olivia best: “If we aren’t talking, we aren’t in love.” Which is generally false, but it’s how I’ve become.
So this entire experience was horrifying to me. I was scared.
I had a dream about Olivia. Most of it was random dream stuff, but at the end me and her we’re huddling away from an asteroid shower, and she basically told me
“Look, I don’t want to be alone, but I’m not happy with you either.”
I woke up with an audible groggy “whaoaghh?”
It was a strange thing to think about all day. I felt weird all day.
I felt weird all day. I dreamt about making out with Karly and it was strange, but that’s not really important, it was just kinda funny.
Me and Olivia talked like normal people today. It was super fun, shes amazing.
She said some things I can’t get into which pooped on my mood, but it was fun anywho.
Today we had a pep assembly where your supposed to sit with your class.
I don’t think I mentioned it, but Olivia is a senior and I’m still a junior.
She wanted me to sit with her, so I just snuck in with the seniors. I got to run out through a giant banner and got confetti dropped on me.
I then proceeded to cheer for the seniors during the competitions instead of the juniors. I was a traitor to my class.
Now I’m going to a glowcoming dance for fun and friends. Maybe I’ll meet a girl.
After that I get to go to an all night thing with some churches (I’m not religious, I just like the people and friends). Hopefully things go good and I won’t be sad.
Will Oliva get together with Evan?
Will Evan meet a new girl to help him move on?
Find out next time!
(Sorry for stealing your shtick torush lol)
Glowcoming without doxxing myself
See? Who needs drama shows when you got real life!
Kinda hate how the only thing I can comment on is that I know my way around tha stood’ lol.
(I try to make eurobeat stuffs )
(Also also only have demo version)
When intro next time looks like this
Jesus Christ, you betrayed your class? This is legitimately inexcusable. Extremely disappointed in you.
I stared my junior friends dead in the eyes as I cheered for the seniors.